Why did I wait so long?

It takes practice to write from the heart responsibly.

So many little stories every day as I support mothers through pregnancy, labor and those first precious weeks as they start their babymoon. Stories that are sometimes joyous and sometimes regret"full"; triumphant and sadly, sometimes partly a feeling of defeat.

Most mothers, given time and a little distance, are comfortable with sharing their birth story.  However, out of respect for their privacy and a need to ensure they are not subjected to hurtful comments I feel it necessary to wait long enough lest some identifying details find their way in.  I may not think I've included an identifying detail but what seems anonymous to me may not actually be so.

I remember when I first started "teaching" birth.  I really was "teaching."  I had a set curriculum, written out line by line what I was to cover and the order in which to cover it.  Not to mention what I was "allowed" to include and what I wasn't allowed to include.

Let's see .... I was "allowed" to hand out the letter from Searle telling practitioners their drug, Cytotec, is not meant to induce labors.  That was terrific because Cytotec is dangerous.  It kills.  Period.

I was not allowed to discuss with mothers various articles and midwives' experiences with recognizing a posterior baby and subsequently turning the baby during labor.  A posterior baby is more commonly referred to as a "back labor."  Back labor at the onset of birth is reported to occur in 17% to 30% of all births according to published reports.  What I was seeing is that it was common for posterior labors to end up with pitocin, epidurals and subsequently cesareans.  Here was something I was seeing with my own eyes, but my experience was not a good enough reason to talk to mothers and prepare them for the possibility of a back labor including what you can do during pregnancy to avoid a posterior presenting baby?

Time and again mothers would say to me "IF you know something ... tell us.  Don't hold back."

I don't like gag orders.  They do make me gag.

So what happened?

I don't tend to share birth stories until months or years after they've occurred. Mainly because every birth belongs to the mother and I don't want anything ~ on my part ~ to color her perception nor do I want anyone else to have a piece of her birth until much time has passed. In this way should anyone she knows ever meet me they'll never have access to that part of her without her expressed permission to identify her.

Owning your birth story is important. I've seen mothers look to those who were there to affirm her birth experience. We can do that but the important word here is "affirm her birth experience." Let her tell the story. Often times she also wants to hear her partner's version of the story.

They are almost always two very different stories for time passes differently for each of them. She is in her own world and he is there in a very unique way: more intimate a presence than any other and with more love for her and her baby than any other could have for her. He too will hold the birth forever in his heart and mind.

Remember your birth experience. Claim it as your own. You will remember it as we do very powerful moments in our lives. A independent childbirth colleague and friend sent me this link to a woman who experienced an extraordinary memory and was able to recall it to help others. It's not birth related and I certainly don't intend it to have anyone compare birth with her health experience so please don't take a negative connotation but rather take away with you the power of her brain and body's capacity to use the experience for advancement.

What Have We Unleashed Here!

I made a promise to start this but I'm heading off to bed with two beautiful mamas laboring away over the night air.....I'll be ready when they call.  IF they call.....after all they can do this all by themselves if they choose.